Awake at night

The light that flows through the window pale
Like frozen flecks of a blizzard gale
Filtered specks of desperate dust
Immortal death like slivered rust

No longer winter-Haiku

These breaths that you take
Where you close your sleepy eyes
Spring in Winter times

Lover to a love

Quietly I hear you weep
Right where I am to believe you were to sleep
I'd like to hold you warmly, steady
But I don't think I'm yet quite ready

You smile, you dance, and you sing
For my every special need I know the effort you bring
But right now I know you're crying
What once made us work is slowly and surely dying
Was it the fact that we have no more obstacles blocking our path
No more secrecy, friend, foe to keep us off track?
Without any need to look beyond your company around
Was our intimacy lost when we no longer needed to whisper a sound?

I'm lost now, and I thought all I need was you
But sadly, meekly, I realized that that's no longer true
No matter what you do for me, and what I try to do for you to keep it together
How short it seemed now, to go through what I'd thought we'd never
Quietly I hear you weep
Knowing what comes after your sleep
Feeling that you are the one who wished to keep us steady
But love, I no longer think I'm ready

Forget

Forget the pride you feel when a brother stumbles upon you praying
Forget the glee you receive when others call you a good Muslim.
You are only beginning to understand the Straight Way
When you rise up, it is not the cool water of Heaven that sparkles from your face
It is sweat, that of a man trying to seek His Grace
Only when you bow to the floor towards the direction that all of your brotherhood is unison is humbling themselves onto, at the same time, then you can relax with a smile and say,
I'm praying to my Lord, glory to Him.

Alcohol Dreams

I'm an alcoholic in my dreams, with each glass removing reality from the seams

It's New Year no? Everyone drinks, everyone forgets the past, it's a new moment.

So time to let go, because if I won't, as I have seen with people close to me, I'll never move on and enjoy things, both old and new.

Peace and blessings of God be upon you all,
Tanim

Madness is the cure

What the heart does not find is that madness is a cure
To the darkness that resides, where love does not endure

Long have I awaited for the breaking of the night
Far have I strove for Dawn's early light
Feeling the harsh reality of the coldness of the wind
Break through the layers of the soul's encrusted sin

What are thoughts towards the sun, they are a million mile run
To the depths of lifeless space, that shines back God's warm embrace

Indeed madness is the cure, to shout out life's allure

Christmas

Here I am, the day after, kitty on lap, listening to "Delicate" by Damien Rice, sort of happy.
Every try really listening to your heart? Feel the vibration inside as your heart beats pump in waves of warmth? Ever try to remove the films from it so that you can feel God's light shine on through.
When you did, for surely there have been times that you have in moments of clarity, did you remember it afterwards?
I know I'm blessed in many ways by God, and I'm glad Rubina Auntie gave me "The Alchemist" By Paulo Coelho to remind me to listen to my heart and follow what my dream is eventually when I find it. I tried the whole night to listen to my heart, feeling the tremors of God from His words, and from the vibration inside, the gift He gave me, the ability to love. I hope it continues to get me out of this weird funk I've been, and to live a little, bit by bit.

Christmas was nice, I went with Usha to the Sonargon Hotel to see the Christmas trees. It was beautiful...though it was a sad contrast when I returned to Kathalbagan to see so many people still working the streets, the men, women and children. There is no such thing as Christmas for most of Bangladesh obviously, the Hotel was just an interesting anomaly for people like me in my position.

Anika matched me in the presents I bought, which is awesome, because by the time everyone came around, we had a decent amount of gifts. It was a nice touch, but I was so tired afterwards! I feel asleep on the couch with kitty while waiting on a call.
And then I finished the Alchemist and I couldn't sleep again!

Well today is my last day with individual freedom, dad is coming tomorrow, and that's another joy, so this joy too must come to an end and be enjoyed.
Peace and blessings of God be upon you,
Tanim