1. As I left for Kenya on June 6th, 2012, I found out I passed the Fire Fighter Level 1 exam. Passing it entailed reading and understand over 1,000 pages and passing a grueling practical exam as well being able to handle the stress of being in a live fire capable of inflicting death in 5 weeks. I learned that I was capable of things beyond my comfort zone. Always go beyond your comfort zone.
6. Mountains (Hills): I live on top of a giant hill that might as well be a mountain. And I've climbed several of the peaks. As for why, I can tell you that every time I climb to the top, rather than enjoying the view, I'm wrapped in nostalgia. So I ask you the question; why do we climb? I failed climbing one peak the first time, and did it again, just to say, I can. Why do you climb?
12. The smell of jasmines re affirms my belief in God: Jasmines are my mother's favorite flower, they smell wonderful, I prefer any vareities. There is one that is called "the Night Queen", it has dozens of buds that bloom only at night on a nightly basis. When I smell them, I think of my mother. Here in Kenya, the first night I spent, I smelt jasmines; I couldn't find them anywhere and assumed they were hiding, but I was happy nonetheless. Then...I realized I would smell jasmines randomly when I walking alone; like two nights earlier when I was coming back from work at 11 am in the pitch dark. I smelt them, looked towards the bush, and then had the urge to look at the stars and just say "Allahamdullilah". Seriously, no jasmines in Sagalla and I smell them, what else can I say?
13. Trust in my feelings: They are a passageway that leads to something that is wonderfully unexplained Call it sixth sense or whatever, the more in tune I feel with the world, the more I feel guided, and I'm glad.
14. I am proud to be Muslim: Praying makes me happy, calm, and focused; I don't have many other things in the world that do. When I feel the wind, I feel God, when I smell jasmines, I know I am loved (by God and my mother), when it rains, I am drenched inwardly, and when I'm lonely, I have the stars. The simplest things in life are miracles, if we're willing to open our hearts to sense them out.
15. I am not too old in starting over: I can still try new things, I can now do in one sitting
50 push ups
14 pull ups
100 sit ups
Mind you, I hated all three of those exercises, by why not if it makes me happy at the end?
16. Doing nothing is wonderful when it's a choice: Better than dancing and talking to a million people, sometimes just sitting in my room and watching my cat sleep makes me happy.
17. I love my cat: it's a small life that I do my best to make happy, and it chooses to sleep on my chest and that's worth waking up and falling asleep again.
18. People are worth meeting: Follow your feelings and you'll find someone that makes you glad that you can listen to their words. Finding those people is part of the joy in life I believe.
19. Being in the forefront does not make you a hero: Learning to blend in the background of my work helped me watch other people take leadership, and I feel like their success is better than watching myself talk in front of crowds. My counter part works so hard, and he never wants credit. He is a hero, remember his name, Godrick Mwachofi.
20. I want to go to Princeton: So I should work for it.
21. I have trouble accepting I have ambition because it makes me afraid I'm selfish.
22. I am selfish: There, I should accept it and not let it own me.
23. I'm happy to be growing up: It's not an hour glass is it? Every day the light shines from galaxies far, far away, and the light is completely different from the moment before...new and ancient...like our blood lines in times past, present and future.
2. During training in Kenya, I realized I couldn't sleep and always felt uncomfortable. Then, as I walked the fields of Loitokitok, I decided to just start doing what I used to do alone in the woods when I was 13. Practice martial arts. In front of gaping townsfolks, I was too nervous to continue at first, but then realized I should focus. As I continued practicing, I found a sense of calm. Lesson; do what makes you feel real, and live in it. If you can't feel real and focus on it; how else will you stay you and be okay with it?
3. Loneliness: I could be eating in dining room at American University or sitting outside my room in the cold in Kenya (which is how I maintain my internet), and it wouldn't matter, loneliness is a state of mind. I've come to terms with that, doesn't mean it doesn't hurts, but it means that it's there to stay and I should be okay just doing me at the moment.
4. Family: I've always felt like I was never as bright as my father or my brother, or as hardworking and sincere as my mother; but they'll be the first ones to tell me that I'm wrong, and they mean it. And it's time I learn to not use insecurity as a crutch and succeed. I am good enough, you are good enough, now let's just work for it.
5. Love: I've been in love with the same person for 2 years, to the point I dream about her. It shows the effect one person had on me. One can mope, but if I can't get her out of my head, why not just remember that that was a warm point and move on? I realize that in turning 23, I'm in no desire to get married, so why not just enjoy people as people and worry about the future when I'm ready. Because I'll have to make at least 100 more realizations before I can approach that topic again.
6. Mountains (Hills): I live on top of a giant hill that might as well be a mountain. And I've climbed several of the peaks. As for why, I can tell you that every time I climb to the top, rather than enjoying the view, I'm wrapped in nostalgia. So I ask you the question; why do we climb? I failed climbing one peak the first time, and did it again, just to say, I can. Why do you climb?
7. Self efficacy: If I don't believe in myself, how am I to grow.
8. Imagination: If I don't expand beyond what is the status quo; how will I effect change to the same problems tackled over and over again.
9. Agency to act: You can believe, and know how, but without doing, I might as well just go to bed. Just do it, seriously.
10. I love children: Seriously, I spend the time after work just letting children climbing on my back. Take a look at this one.
11. I love flowers: I miss the cherry blossoms at my house
13. Trust in my feelings: They are a passageway that leads to something that is wonderfully unexplained Call it sixth sense or whatever, the more in tune I feel with the world, the more I feel guided, and I'm glad.
14. I am proud to be Muslim: Praying makes me happy, calm, and focused; I don't have many other things in the world that do. When I feel the wind, I feel God, when I smell jasmines, I know I am loved (by God and my mother), when it rains, I am drenched inwardly, and when I'm lonely, I have the stars. The simplest things in life are miracles, if we're willing to open our hearts to sense them out.
15. I am not too old in starting over: I can still try new things, I can now do in one sitting
50 push ups
14 pull ups
100 sit ups
Mind you, I hated all three of those exercises, by why not if it makes me happy at the end?
16. Doing nothing is wonderful when it's a choice: Better than dancing and talking to a million people, sometimes just sitting in my room and watching my cat sleep makes me happy.
17. I love my cat: it's a small life that I do my best to make happy, and it chooses to sleep on my chest and that's worth waking up and falling asleep again.
20. I want to go to Princeton: So I should work for it.
21. I have trouble accepting I have ambition because it makes me afraid I'm selfish.
22. I am selfish: There, I should accept it and not let it own me.
23. I'm happy to be growing up: It's not an hour glass is it? Every day the light shines from galaxies far, far away, and the light is completely different from the moment before...new and ancient...like our blood lines in times past, present and future.
Bring it on April 17th, 2013
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