Family and friends

if bliss was made of marshmallow frost
In your oven would my eyes wander lost

"oh silly boy, marshmallows are Haram, go dream of chocolate sauce"

I think I wrote that out of just being sleepy and imagining marshmallows as pillows...but now I'm more thinking about how Bangladesh is FREEZING!
I guess NJ would be freezing too...if it wasn't for fossil fuels and indoor heating!
At least the cat is in my lap, I tend to steal it away from Nanu when I can at night so can get some warmth. Too bad that I'm allergic to the cat, I end up sneezing through the night. Well it's so cold that I'm blowing my nose either way, one more reason couldn't hurt.

I'm planning Christmas here in Bangladesh...which is strange considering I hardly celebrate Christmas at home.
Fortunately, being a non-Christian, I have the ability to make Christmas into whatever I want here because no one knows anything about it really in the family...sort of like a missionary introducing Catholicism to South Americans but involving presents not back breaking labor.

Family...it's the closest thing to you in so many ways, blood, proximity, familiarity. The only thing that isn't is choice. I wonder if we were given the option to choose family if we ever would choose who we have. That's the beauty in it.
Well God let us have both ways...familiar family, unfamiliar friends. One by birth, one chosen, though in the end I wonder how many would choose the latter over the former.
The thing about friends is, like I said, we choose them. They fit our needs, they listen to us grumble, and they'll catch us when we stumble. If those criteria are not met, or if we ourselves change, then eventually we'll go through the difficult transition of choosing new ones.
Family; if they are good ones, will love us no matter what. But love and affection are two very different terms. Just because they love us doesn't mean they'll show it when we need it, or even show much at all. I've seen so many friends my age just starving for some warmth, when all they get is verbal abuse for not being good enough. Low SAT scores, a C (or many times even a B), comparison to "better" children, it really lowers your self esteem.
When I went to college, I gained a lot of friends. I'd like to say that I'm blessed with showing affection and giving trust as well as empathy, it helps with people who are sensitive to that. Many of my friends were affectionate, loving people. However, I made the mistake of treating them like family. In that complete devotional way, I called friends "brothers" or put my complete emotional bond to quite a few people. What I learned eventually is that the consequence is that most people aren't accustomed to such affection, especially at a stage in our lives where we are changing our perception in what we need. Hence, my reliance on people, which was a substitute for my obvious reliance on my family, slowly changed till I realized rather than supporting and being supported by others, I need to grow on my own.
It makes sense, family to friends to me, and now back to family again along with me.
I'm here in Bangladesh, still understanding the difference between family, friendship, and identity.
Family, God bless the gift of one, will always love you, but having grown accustomed to you always being there, may not grow to understand you. Friends, though they may support and understand your needs, may not travel across the world for you. Of course I said may, because I hope that there will always be exceptions, and may they eventually be the norm.
I think my parents were right though, children sounded so much more obedient a few generations ago, so I can understand the current South Asian generation's plight with their night clubbing, arguably lazier (I don't know that many people my age in America that study as much as their counter parts in Asia) and more disobedient generation. However, I think their is a wonderful culture in America where we think for ourselves. That type of thinking is starting to bloom independently here in Bangladesh itself.

As for cousins, that one is a tough one, they are your nearest in terms of age and blood, and they arguably some of your best companions given enough time. But there is still a line. You grow up with friends and you choose them out of your needs. But when your cousins grow up differently than you, you're still close, but is the understanding still there? As I leave Bangladesh in less than 3 weeks, I guess I'll be beating myself up about it.
Oh to be a strong human in a sea of doubts, where I've learned to compare myself to people of strength and to shame myself looking at the hard work of people who have less. Then I remember, with shame, not to compare myself to people, yet the thought still lingers on.