Recovery

It seems being on this rock has been my way of recovery, like leeching myself of everything before, all the excess water, tears that never left and sweat that continues to stain, until I'm back to my basic minerals again.
Is it running away again? There's always something that is left behind when I do this.
Literally, I have been ill for a little more than a week; Typhoid, seriously. I even had the vaccination for it, but I guess that only did so much. Luckily, I haven't thrown up, which is one of three things I hate about being sick.
Mother left and arrived at America yesterday, so now I'm on my own. My family is here, but I still don't feel right about things.
I need to stop whining, it's putting me down a downward spiral. I've been having terrible nightmares of people who I don't want to think about, and sleeping has been very difficult, my mind just keeps on wandering off.
Just stop whining, stop thinking, just appreciate things. Why is that hard, blah that was whining too.