Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thoughts today

God I'm tired
I do this to myself and I'm sorry
Not because the world is against me
Not because I have someone to blame
I'm accountable to only God
And no one is accountable to me

God, I'm done with this
I forget to pray, or don't pray
It's like climbing a mountain
It's beautiful at the top, I can sleep at the summit and watch the Heavens circle me
But it's so easy to just fall off...and then I must climb up again.
I know, this is the worst type of comparison to give to it, because it makes me not want to climb..but how must I climb
To get out of this tepid water, this dank air, this...filth that I call my state of mind.

God, what's next? Where do I go
I am off again to a new world, a world that has less to take, and more to breathe
But here am I, running away from these feelings that will never get vanquished, never get validated, so I can put up a mask or even more difficult, try to calm my spirits down.

I love my Lord, I fear my Lord, though maybe I care too much about myself to let those thoughts light.

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