To The Unlikely Wanderer: Why You Should Volunteer

Today I want to talk about volunteering.

To all of those reading who are open to travel, knowledgeable of realities with different cultures, and fairly open to new things...you are archetypal people Peace Corps Recruiters talk about in potential applicants; however, this post is dedicated to the other half of the world, those who are afraid, not knowledgeable, but nonetheless still idealistic in their desires.

To those people, I want to talk about reasons why you should if you were thinking about it. And more importantly, I want you to hear it from someone who had the fortune of coming in jaded, and one year in, learning to open up bit by bit. I want to add the caveat, that my experience is only as a Peace Corps Volunteer serving in Sagalla, Kenya, and that my views are my views alone. More specifically, they are not the views of Peace Corps and should not be taken as such.

You should volunteer if

1. You want to help the world.

This is the ideal of ideals. And it's one that anyone older than you will tell to abandon immediately. They will say, "you cannot save the world, one person alone can't do anything". On the other spectrum, you will hear "just by being a good person, you're helping the world". Well, both views are right, and both are completely wrong. The "world", as far as I'm concerned, exists outside of my head, but even now, after living in Kenya for a year, the ideals of what I have internally are different than what are outside. Do volunteer, do learn about what the world is like. Only by learning will you be able to get to the "help" aspect.

2. People tell you that you are naive.

I get told this a lot, much of this is with merit. And until I came to Kenya, I felt often times that perhaps I was. I felt that in response I was becoming hardened and uncaring for the world as a way to protect myself. However, it's not always about what we perceive ourselves to be, it's about who we are both in reaction and without external stimuli. I've certainly learned that people who tell me I'm naive are people who have not taken the time to know me. And in this year, I've taken time to know me, and I can tell you the things that make me special are judged as naive. And I think if you take the time to volunteer, you'll notice the difference in how you define your own attributes.

3. You're aware you're prejudiced

Let's not even put in the caveat, that you're willing to fix it, because I'm not going to hope for the best to possible strangers. If you are aware that you harbor certain prejudices; be it race, gender, class, volunteer. Give some of your time and see if your prejudices still hold up. You will find that people are in fact prejudiced towards you based on your race, gender, and class as well. So I stress you, as you notice things within yourself you may not necessarily view as appropriate, look outwards.

4. You hate travelling

I'll tell you the truth; I'm afraid of traveling. I get so scared when it comes to transitioning from Point A to Point B, but honestly learning to gather my strength and getting on the back of an overly full van going up a mountain in the rain...and doing it again, I've learned my limits. I still dislike travelling, but at least now I know how to push myself and know when to say no.

5. You feel like you are not good enough.

My biggest fear before coming to Kenya was that I was useless. That I couldn't do anything right. One year, I've never felt stronger as a person. Rather than fishing for compliments, I know when to have pride, and when not to flush it in front of people. We never really know who we are until we test ourselves. I was an international relations major, which made me feel like I wasn't skilled enough to do anything. The truth is, if you are willing to do anything, you will learn to be skilled in at least something. Only by stretching your line into the water will you learn if you have any talent in fishing. If you don't, move on. But if you stay at home, you'll never know, you'll never know how wonderful you really are.

Destroying the great myth about the Peace Corps Volunteer

You don't do anything of importance

Wrong. My best friend here is a science teacher. When he first came to his school, he was one of the few teachers there, and he took up the challenge and taught every day, even when he was only one of two teachers. Didn't do anything important? I doubt it. And to this day, I never hear him boast of that significant contribution to society in those months of his time here.

Another one of my friends headed the initiative to plant Moringa trees, about 400 of them, in an area so desolate that people must walk miles to carry water. The trees, when harvested, will provide nutrition to the area. Even as he leaves this August, his contribution is, and will continue to be felt.

As for myself; I can be proud of at least two things. 

You see this storage room?

Not very pleasant? Well when the call came to create a youth center for youth to learn about health and test for HIV, I provided the data and motivation to help turn that room into this

Since it's inception, over 159 youth have been tested for HIV, with more youth learning about health and being trained to be leaders in their own community.

Then there is Latta Dam

Long unused in Sagalla, my counter part had the bold idea to desilt it. So I decided to come everyday for 2 months to help the health workers to manually de silt it.

After creating a video and providing photo evidence, we had other organizations come donate resources and money to help desilt the dam. But it wouldn't have happened if we didn't motivate the health workers to believe they could do it on their own.

My Counter part is gold

After 6 months

And now a year later

 The dam now can hold 160,000 liters of water, and that picture was taken during dry season.

What I want to say out of this is that before coming here, I didn't think I had it in me to be able to help people effectively. And I want to tell you this now; as someone without any background of development, if I can do this, then so can you. Never believe that you're incapable without trying first.

Being Frank
I will discourage you to volunteer; however, if you have certain notions.
1. You want to volunteer so you can sleep with the local populace
Please don't come if that is your intention. In my site, I saw the physical result of volunteers coming here and sleeping with the local population. In one case, it ended with a boy not having a father who will take to knowing him. On a larger sense, foreigners coming in and sleeping with the local population has created a perception that we're only here to just for the women/men.
On a more personal sense, you break people's hearts, people who don't understand your culture and assume you've come to marry them and take them away from their own troubles. I've made the mistake of dating someone who didn't have the same perceptions as I did, and it ended in me hurting her feelings and wondering what my purpose was in the relationship. Unless you are serious, do not come to a different land with the intentions of having sexual relations with people from a different land.
2. You want to volunteer to party
In that case, just take a vacation, I heard Zanzibar is nice.
Volunteer to learn, volunteer to work, volunteer to love the world, but locals can tell which volunteers have come to work, and which are coming just to take pictures of giraffes. This is not a knock on partying per se, but if you're coming here for a short time, for one or two months, please don't spend a big portion of that just sunbathing in the coast or looking for different drugs, locals can tell and it does affect their mind set. You're entitled to a break, and your money is your money, but also know that volunteering is about giving up your time, often times for no reward in return. Learning to take breaks without resolving to extremes will make your experience more rewarding.

In summary, being a Peace Corps Volunteer is a little different from a typical volunteer. I get paid a monthly stipend and have great medical benefits. If you do decide to volunteer on your own dime; make sure you have access to health facilities if something bad does happen. Unfortunately, plan for bad things to happen, make sure you have access to money that just isn't on your person, but even if you are hesitant, understand that cross cultural relations can be one of the most growth orientated experiences you have available to you. Notice how I said experience and growth, not necessarily rewarding. Many people will not enjoy their experience; when the glamour of the first month runs off, you'll notice the smell of the pit latrine, and the constant cadging for money will take a toll. But I guarantee that you will get something out of it, but in the work you do, and in knowing what type of person you truly are.

So volunteer if you can, and save to do so if you can't yet.

 Sincerely,
A Volunteer Who Thought He Couldn't, Wasn't, But Did It Anyway

Dreaming and Living and Living and Dreaming and...

Sometimes I forget that pursuing a dream in nowhere near as substantial as pursuing life. 

Before I continue, this is not a thought about dreams ruined or life getting in my face. No, this is exactly what it sounds like.

To quote Lester Freeman in season 3 of The Wire 

"Your work can't save you"

And that's the truth, helping people has been a childhood dream of mine, and the Peace Corps has been an excellent opportunity to prove to myself that I am not useless in that pursuit. 

I have and am living in a dream, a dream that I might just have to wake up from in July 2014.

But even so, as I lucidly ruminate in this bubble called Sagalla, a place of opportunity and growth. Where I've helped build a foundation where young people can convince their own peers to test for HIV (11 today!), whereas before that was (and is outside of Sagalla if you look at the numbers of people tested in my county) more of a dream. Where I helped motivate a man, as I found out today, to work and save so that he could afford his own water pump rather than relying on foreign support, and now he is proud of his own work and making an income he could never have believed a year ago. Yes, I am living a dream, but am I content?

In the most positive way possible, no.

As I left the mosque today, I had another thought bubble in my head..."reaching towards the stars makes you fly, but in the end, it won't give you love, it won't give you breath, it won't give warmth".

I'm in Kenya working a job that is designed to raise people from poverty, and prevent further HIV infections, but I'm also another human being who desires to know what it means to be whole.

Sure food, water, shelter, but more so, knowing what makes me tick, smile, and feel loved. These are not things I associate with dreams, I associate dreams with how far I can reach, but when I fall back down, it's life that holds me.

So yes, I think it's important to follow your dreams, but I also think it's important for you to find out what in life makes you content. Yes, do go for your dream job, but also stop and try to figure out what that smell is on the way to your part time job is that makes you smile (for me, the answer is jasmine, always jasmine).

Yes, travel Europe, but also accept that maybe a day with your parents does indeed make you content (how I wish to hug my mother and father right now just because).

Yes, never, ever give up, never settle for less, never accept people putting you down

But remember that life is full of moments that are more real than any ideal picture in your head, and that accepting and pursuing them are just as important as pursuing your goals.

I love being in Kenya, I love the work I'm doing, but I look forward to one day settling down and being the type of dad my kids will one day be secretly proud of (I'm pretty sure they'll probably be openly embarrassed by me), the type of husband that a Mrs. Somebody can talk, laugh, and grow with, and God knows I can be a better son. 

And I won't forget that I desire to make a difference in this world, I'll just know that I'll be learning to be happy in the pursuit. 

Being A Shadow In Development

The 1st of June marked two significant aspects of my service in Kenya. It marked the 12 month I've been in Kenya (my year mark being on the 6th of this month) and more importantly, that the style of development I've pursued since October has been paying of significantly.

By being a shadow within Sagalla, I have been able to initiate what hasn't been done before with the youth (and arguably the whole of Sagalla); create an infrastructure that lead to the testing of 135 people within a single day. More significantly, create a low cost model to promote local testing.

Okay that's enough "I" in this...because the whole point of being a shadow is being an extension of those visible on the ground, giving them a reach on the ground they normally couldn't. So let me explain.

Nine months ago, my Public Health Officer, noticed over time how difficult it was to reach the youth within Sagalla. In fact, to be able to see someone my age go to the health center to access condoms are general reproductive health knowledge was extremely rare due to the fact that there was a stigma of being found at the hospital. Youth were simply afraid to go to know about their own health, much less about their HIV status. Unfortunately, without the right public and institutional support, the most we could do at that time was just work with a youth football group right near the hospital. However, that didn't mean we didn't work for it. We developed movie weekends, where we would play American films, just to get some of the boys to come to the hospital and associate the health center as a place where they can relax. Unbeknownst to us, this was step one to events leading up to June.

A few months ago, I was able to analyze health data within Sagalla using existing reporting and found out that there were 9 underage pregnancies and 10 high school drop outs within the region over the period of June to July 2012. I didn't do anything new or special, I just placed the numbers per each month side by side. More importantly, as a team, we were able to find the right people who not only cared, but were in the right position to do something about it. I worked with the in charge of the health center I worked at, who had the bright idea to use our formerly defunct storage room as a Youth Friendly Resource Center, and just as importantly, members from the US AID branch APHIA PLUS, who already were attempting to engage the youth population in Sagalla, pledged their efforts as well through bringing in paint and building materials initially, and promising training for youth in the future.

However, none of that would be possible, I would not be beaming with joy, if it wasn't for what happened next

See the meaning of what it means to be a shadow in development, is that you focus on capacity building of the target population. By developing their own capacity to succeed, you effectively do not have to be in the forefront. And the more their light shines, the more distance your own shadow can cover.

After the small interactions and friendships I've slowly made with the Mlondo Football Group, they decided to come and refurbish the storage room on their own volition, without pay, without any guarantees. They did it because they realized that out of their own hands, they can build something for themselves. And they did.

Then when they finished, at our guidance, they held elections and started doing something no group did before...including women. My contribution was to suggest creating a position for Woman Representative and making sure that the President and Vice Presidential office was held by two genders.

So they held elections, had the bodies, what was next? Without pay, and with help from PSI, which gave footballs and T Shirts, they held a football tournament that included women, dramas, singing, and a health talk focused on Malaria, bringing in over 300 people, mostly youth. No group had done this at such a low initial cost.

6 our of 7 of the Executive Board Members

Making a presentation about Education Through Listening (ETL)

 So they had the capacity to bring people together; how about the quality of presentation of their knowledge? That was another issue. So US AID, impressed with the given results, provided several training sessions in the last few weeks based on topics of health. Here you were, for the first time in Sagalla, training youth to be able to teach their peers about topics pertinent to them...teenage pregnancy, drug use, HIV, stigma, with the explicit mandate to help the people they are closest to.

Making a presentation at Mlondo Primary

So in the last month, they've taught in three schools, introducing dramas, and teaching what they've learned from US AID. My bosses at the health center provided important critiques in case the wrong information passed through, helping mature the work of the members of the Center.

Over time, the young men and women started developing a bond that I won't say yet is breaking gender roles...the women still end up doing the cooking and leave the men to do hard manual labor during the non work hours, but there is less tension between the two sides and when they work together, they work more as one group rather than two roles.

And all of this leads to yesterday. Specifically the issue of how to get youth to test? In recent memory, the highest number of youth to test was towards November, when US AID funded for a giant activity bringing in youth; we were able to test 60. However, it was a top down exercise, not involving the young men and women we were helping to necessarily have a say, and we realized we needed a different approach. Most exercises pertaining to HIV here are outreach, spending around $100 to teach people about HIV, but not necessarily getting people to test. The issue was; how do you get people to come and willingly test? My hypothetical answer; host a party!

So I went the the Center and asked simply, "If I contribute a goat, can you program an event and bring in over 100 people in the area?" The answer, and the result was a resounding "Yes!"

Making preparations for the goat, for modesty's purpose, I won't post pictures of the goat

The Clinical Officer testing a youth, YRC was his brain child

 Not only did the youth contribute their own money to acquire rice and spices and a PA system, they created their own programming. Teaching about drugs, STIs, and reproductive behavior. Take a look at the next picture.

 That woman works at the local restaurant and the young man is a captain of the football team. In the last few months, they can teach without being embarassed how to apply a condom on a penis model. The woman has started organizing health based dramas and is a tremendous actor, while the man was elected secretary and is learning how to use computers to document the Youth Resource Center. They've done all of this on their own volition, and the only thing we did as a facility was simply challenge them to grow and provide the resources (US AID) to train them towards their goal. I simply said that I wanted results, people being tested, but the Center did that and more. They created an event where people didn't come and sit down and be talked to, but interacted with their own peers and I can guage had genuine fun!

 Young men and women who normally would never test, could see their friends test. Interesting enough, young girls around the age of 13-15 even came, a demographic that I'd never even imagined could be reached out since we started months ago. These young people maybe won't have to fear as they get older, as they see a solid foundation of individuals older than them conquering their own fears.

So what does that mean in terms of my role as a shadow? How does sifting the responsibility of organization and teaching change my task load?

For the first time in my service, I've had youth come up to me and ask me questions about their own family life. Someone asked me about their fear of their own drug use, something I'd never imagine people to be comfortable enough talking to a foreigner. Yesterday, I felt for the first time happy about my work in Kenya, or more importantly attached.


Don't get me wrong, I don't choose the term "shadow" because I fear being involved personally with Sagalla. I am a shadow a shadow is space between one light to another, and if I can help make the lights around me brighter, and bridge the gaps, making it easier for my friends to shine here, then shadow development will make the future brighter.

Humbling humility before God

Today was a bath day, yes there are days in the week (every other) that's designated bath day because I run out of water if I'm not too careful, which also meant prayer day for myself. Or in other words, I have no excuse not to.
So I walked to mosque and said my prayers. I said a few additional prayers to people I cared about, and then as I prepared to finish, I stopped.
I decided to say a prayer for myself.

I always thought, growing up, to say a prayer for myself, to do things for myself, was a selfish endeavor and I didn't deserve it.

But how selfish is it to admit that I think am beyond help?

I admire those who are independent and never needing counsel for themselves. Self-reliant, they seek to help others. As I continue onto my 12th month here in Kenya, I'm proud of the things I've done for myself here. But I'm also proud of the extraordinary gifts given to me by God or other people.
Including

1. Getting hit by a motorcycle during training and not suffering any serious damage.
2. Meeting people who make the day go by quicker (and then wishing it went the opposite)
3. Having co-workers who make working as a volunteer extremely easy and rewarding.

Every since I first started learning to pray two years ago (and even before that in my own terms), I've prayed for safety and well being of others, but I was always too "humble" to ask for my own salvation, for my own happiness. But that's what it means to submit doesn't it? Putting your trust in God, and perhaps, other people?

It's okay to want things from yourself that isn't just ability. You don't have to be Mother Theresa or Gandhi, but are welcome to pursue the ideals they represent, but do realize that they themselves wanted too. Help others, I wouldn't be in the Peace Corps if some part of me didn't, but also remember that you yourself are someone with the same potential to be loved and saved by another if you're willing to be. Otherwise, all those prayers from others towards you will go deaf if you don't recognize that. Otherwise, by not recognizing that you're worth saving, all the love others feel towards you will go to the dark. It's not a weakness to recognize you're worthy, because if someone else tells you "you're beautiful", they say it upon an act of sincere strength, leaving it on you to have the courage and veracity of self character to bear it.

I'm not a humble person; though often I strove to be, leaving me wondering after every good deed why I felt empty and alone, not realizing that I was lying to myself that I didn't need to feel hope for myself, as long as I did my best to give it to others. I don't ask of myself now to feel good for the deeds that I do, but I ask myself to simply acknowledge that I'm a human being that wants to believe in himself and hope for good things to come to him as well as hope to put into action good acts for others. Beyond set ideologies, I think we tend to feel empty if we don't recognize that our own bodies are as vulnerable and powerful as of those we see and work with everyday. That emptiness links to the fear of never being capable of being loved, which I assure you, distant friends across the seas, especially to those I talk to closely, you certainly are, and so am I. You just have to remember that you have similar needs to those you give your effort towards loving. If they need/desire to be loved, so do you, if they need to be saved, to a certain capacity, so do you,
If they need, if they want, if they are saints, if they are devils, if they are animals, atoms, electrons, billions of God particles in need of billions of other God particles to exchange emotions uncountable and inestimable.
Then so are you.

So friend, I will pray for you, but I will pray for me too, and I hope you too, recognize how worthy you are as well and pray for yourself in your own way.

Rumi

I love Rumi, obviously the English translation is all I can understand
But take a look at this poem


"Be with those who help your being.
Don't sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.
A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don't try to fly,
and so break yourself apart,
you will be broken open by death,
when it's too late for all you could become.
Leaves get yellow. The tree puts out fresh roots
and makes them green.
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?"

Take a second and think about what that means to yourself.
I won't talk about myself this post, but you can talk to me.
I want you to be happy, in this world where in a crowd of billions somehow you end up just being stranded and lost at sea.

Whether you're 23, 18, 40, 50...80, isn't it important to remember that right it's spring, and there are cherry blossoms that have bloomed and gone, revealing bright green leaves. And when they die, the tree renews again, and when the tree dies, something else will take its place. While you're still alive, bloom.

I disagree that we are all just a collection of stories to be shared; I think there's more to the eye when it comes with just sitting in front of a sunrise, sharing it with someone you love, or just opening it to something bigger than yourself, and let your own spirit float.
You can't make that into a story, but all the same, it's what makes you break apart and fly.

Anyways, Rumi tends to write verses that make you think you're on the floor, ready to get up to love, and...why not? There's more to living in this haze of the world, so go out, trip, fall, drink in both poison and elixir but always stay coherent of your feelings, and find out what turns you yellow and discard it. Find the right roots.

Read the poem again, if you find similar meaning, I hope you'll learn to fly from whatever might be keeping you down, and be broken open by life.
Love,
Tanim

23 realizations before turning 23

1. As I left for Kenya on June 6th, 2012, I found out I passed the Fire Fighter Level 1 exam. Passing it entailed reading and understand over 1,000 pages and passing a grueling practical exam as well being able to handle the stress of being in a live fire capable of inflicting death in 5 weeks. I learned that I was capable of things beyond my comfort zone. Always go beyond your comfort zone.

2. During training in Kenya, I realized I couldn't sleep and always felt uncomfortable. Then, as I walked the fields of Loitokitok, I decided to just start doing what I used to do alone in the woods when I was 13. Practice martial arts. In front of gaping townsfolks, I was too nervous to continue at first, but then realized I should focus. As I continued practicing, I found a sense of calm. Lesson; do what makes you feel real, and live in it. If you can't feel real and focus on it; how else will you stay you and be okay with it?

3. Loneliness: I could be eating in dining room at American University or sitting outside my room in the cold in Kenya (which is how I maintain my internet), and it wouldn't matter, loneliness is a state of mind. I've come to terms with that, doesn't mean it doesn't hurts, but it means that it's there to stay and I should be okay just doing me at the moment.

4. Family: I've always felt like I was never as bright as my father or my brother, or as hardworking and sincere as my mother; but they'll be the first ones to tell me that I'm wrong, and they mean it. And it's time I learn to not use insecurity as a crutch and succeed. I am good enough, you are good enough, now let's just work for it.

5. Love: I've been in love with the same person for 2 years, to the point I dream about her. It shows the effect one person had on me. One can mope, but if I can't get her out of my head, why not just remember that that was a warm point and move on? I realize that in turning 23, I'm in no desire to get married, so why not just enjoy people as people and worry about the future when I'm ready. Because I'll have to make at least 100 more realizations before I can approach that topic again.

6. Mountains (Hills): I live on top of a giant hill that might as well be a mountain. And I've climbed several of the peaks. As for why, I can tell you that every time I climb to the top, rather than enjoying the view, I'm wrapped in nostalgia. So I ask you the question; why do we climb? I failed climbing one peak the first time, and did it again, just to say, I can. Why do you climb?

7. Self efficacy: If I don't believe in myself, how am I to grow.

8. Imagination: If I don't expand beyond what is the status quo; how will I effect change to the same problems tackled over and over again.

9. Agency to act: You can believe, and know how, but without doing, I might as well just go to bed. Just do it, seriously.

10. I love children: Seriously, I spend the time after work just letting children climbing on my back. Take a look at this one.

11. I love flowers: I miss the cherry blossoms at my house

 12. The smell of jasmines re affirms my belief in God: Jasmines are my mother's favorite flower, they smell wonderful, I prefer any vareities. There is one that is called "the Night Queen", it has dozens of buds that bloom only at night on a nightly basis. When I smell them, I think of my mother. Here in Kenya, the first night I spent, I smelt jasmines; I couldn't find them anywhere and assumed they were hiding, but I was happy nonetheless. Then...I realized I would smell jasmines randomly when I walking alone; like two nights earlier when I was coming back from work at 11 am in the pitch dark. I smelt them, looked towards the bush, and then had the urge to look at the stars and just say "Allahamdullilah". Seriously, no jasmines in Sagalla and I smell them, what else can I say?
13. Trust in my feelings: They are a passageway that leads to something that is wonderfully unexplained  Call it sixth sense or whatever, the more in tune I feel with the world, the more I feel guided, and I'm glad.
14. I am proud to be Muslim: Praying makes me happy, calm, and focused; I don't have many other things in the world that do. When I feel the wind, I feel God, when I smell jasmines, I know I am loved (by God and my mother), when it rains, I am drenched inwardly, and when I'm lonely, I have the stars. The simplest things in life are miracles, if we're willing to open our hearts to sense them out.
 15. I am not too old in starting over: I can still try new things, I can now do in one sitting
50 push ups
14 pull ups
100 sit ups
Mind you, I hated all three of those exercises, by why not if it makes me happy at the end?
16. Doing nothing is wonderful when it's a choice: Better than dancing and talking to a million people, sometimes just sitting in my room and watching my cat sleep makes me happy.
17. I love my cat: it's a small life that I do my best to make happy, and it chooses to sleep on my chest and that's worth waking up and falling asleep again.

 18. People are worth meeting: Follow your feelings and you'll find someone that makes you glad that you can listen to their words. Finding those people is part of the joy in life I believe.

19. Being in the forefront does not make you a hero: Learning to blend in the background of my work helped me watch other people take leadership, and I feel like their success is better than watching myself talk in front of crowds. My counter part works so hard, and he never wants credit. He is a hero, remember his name, Godrick Mwachofi.
20. I want to go to Princeton: So I should work for it.
21. I have trouble accepting I have ambition because it makes me afraid I'm selfish.
22. I am selfish: There, I should accept it and not let it own me.
23. I'm happy to be growing up: It's not an hour glass is it? Every day the light shines from galaxies far, far away, and the light is completely different from the moment before...new and ancient...like our blood lines in times past, present and future.

Bring it on April 17th, 2013

10 Month Anniversary

10 months have passed by since I arrived on the 6th of June, 2012.
10 months since I've arrived alone, scared, and confused about the world.
And 10 months later, I find that I am still alone, scared, and confused.
But it's okay.

I look at the work I've done

Working at a dam

Teaching hand washing to a completely different county

 Analyzing data for about 165,000 people within Taita county and then teaching the District Community Health Strategist how to do the so and watched her present the data to the Community Health Extension workers.

 Or watching the health group continue to make sanitary pads after having a friend from JICA teach them.

Finally obtaining the funds to build a Youth Resource Center  

All of these accomplishments I'm proud to say I've been a part of. But more importantly, all of these accomplishments couldn't have been done without the help of those around me

My supervisor Scaver Mwadime, teaching about life skills

My friend and Jica Volunter Tomomi, who taught how to make sanitary pads

Peace Corps Volunteer David McCoy, who partnered with me to analyze data

My family, my rock

And of course, my counter part, Godrick Mwachofi, the life blood of the work behind Sagalla

I've been told that people come and go in this world; and I believe that phrase. You may eventually die surrounded by loved ones, but in the end, it's you who takes the final journey away from this place. Regardless, the people who have came, make an impression on me. All of them.

Even the non people

But especially the  people people

And God willing, 17 months later, I'll have come, and gone.






This picture of the health center in the rain

 This boy sliding through the slippery steps for joy.

This Boy Traveler

Gone

But it's okay...because like I said, 

To be alone, is understanding that you aren't defined by others

To be confused is to acknowledge you don't know

And to be scared...is to acknowledge the truth of how you feel, both the beautiful parts and the scary parts.

What I'm glad I'm not is numb.

Because I know what it's like to be without clean water, fresh food, proper company.

And I know I can fix it.

In being alone I can choose the company I want

In being confused I can reach out to my own clarity.

In being scared, I can prepare to be brave.

That is my 10 month gift to myself. Knowing what I am and am not.

And watching the rains kiss the ground